Listening to personal development the last couple weeks has really helped me look at things a lot differently. I have really started to think about what I really want to do in life, what I want my purpose to be and how I am going to work on getting there. It's amazing how just a few positive actions every day can change your outlook on life.
I want to share with you my struggles in life, and how I will never regret making any of the decisions I did to get to where I am today. The sole purpose of me sharing this is not for you to feel pity for me, because the last thing I want or need is a pity party. I am simply sharing this because I know what it feels like to feel the pain of being neglected, unwanted, rejected, hopeless, to feel taken advantage of, and to feel completely and utterly defeated. But with a positive mindset, and the willingness to keep fighting even when the world is doing everything in its power to knock you down... you will have the strength to stand two feet taller with a huge smile on your face feeling that sense of accomplishment and knowing damn well, you will NEVER be defeated.
So growing up, if you know me, was not all that glamorous. I was the middle child of four girls. We constantly had hand me downs, we shopped at thrift stores regularly, lived on a very tiny budget and moved A LOT. When I say moved a lot, I REALLY MEAN A LOT. Did we have a good enough reason to move all the time, NOT AT ALL... financial issues arose, family matters came about, life got in the way, and there we were - packing up the boxes, on the move again. In all honesty, I felt like we were constantly running from our issues instead of dealing with them.
While I want to share with you all my struggles and the ways I was able to overcome them, it may be a bit overwhelming for me to really dig deep down and share with you these moments. While some I will not share, others I find it important for you to know that other people sometimes struggle with the same thing... and come out of these situations stronger than ever. While this is not all of them, I am going to do these in phases, to hear more -- you will have to come back around!
Struggle: From Kindergarten until 9th grade, I had attended NINE different schools. NINE DIFFERENT SCHOOLS in two different states (Pennsylvania & Tennessee), definitely a struggle. In second grade, I had attended three different schools that year.... how can any child manage this constant change.... I couldn't commit to any sports, cheering (which I LOVED) or any other activities because we were constantly moving. I cheered one year in 3rd grade, tried out for the dance team in 8th grade made the team and then a few days later found out we were moving again so I wasn't able to experience that... I was able to finally try out for cheering at my new High School, made the basketball squad, cheered until I graduated and it is definitely one of my favorite past times. During the three years I cheered, our basketball squad was a competition squad so we did a few competitions and ended up qualifying to cheer in WALT DISNEY WORLD. Talk about being ecstatic, we ended up getting first place in Florida and it was seriously a dream come true, to be on that floor in front of hundreds, if not thousands of other cheerleaders! Most amazing experience ever for my limited cheering career.
Struggle: If I made a friend who I got really close to at a new school, 3 months later we were on the road moving somewhere else and I never saw them again. It wasn't until 9th grade where I finally finished my four years of school at the SAME school. It was the longest we had ever stayed in one place, and this I was very grateful for because I was able to find some of my very best/life long friends. Making friends WAS NOT an easy task either. I was very shy and well, yes... people can be very judgmental and not want to add the "new kid" to their circle of friends. It was definitely rough going into high school not knowing a SINGLE PERSON. Eventually people approached me and I was able to find my small group of friends who were so welcoming and friendly! I absolutely adore my friends to pieces.
Struggle: A very, very small budget does not go very far, especially for a six person family. You need food, hygiene products, have bills to pay, etc., which left little to no money for the fun things such as family vacations, going out with friends, birthday parties, etc. I took my first vacation, one that I had paid for myself a week after graduating high school - Senior Trip to Myrtle Beach. I started working at the age of fourteen to pay for the clothes I wanted, and to be able to actually go hang out with friends. When you don't have a lot of money, you miss out on a lot of fun things but it then that helps you realize the value of a dollar.
While all of these struggles may seem so small, add them all up and you put a lot of mental stress on a person. While as a kid/teenager growing up, it really depresses you and it was difficult getting through this lifestyle.. But here are some of the ways I have overcome these struggles the last couple of years.
Learn to be Grateful: I am grateful I was able to cheer four years during my school years grade school career and experience the excitement it brought to me. I know that there were some families who couldn't afford to let their children do any sports so I am glad I got to experience it for the few years I did.
Appreciate the people in your life: The friends I made during my last four years of high school are still some of my very best friends, and I couldn't imagine my life without them. From being my college roommate, to my gorgeous bridesmaids in my wedding.. the distance between us now means so little when we're all together and reminisce on the great times we had together. We know get to watch each other grow with their families and remain life long friends!!
Great work ethic: Growing up living on a tight budget, it helps you appreciate the things you do have in life. I always paid for everything after I got my job because I did not want to have that burden on my mom having to scrape up the change to be able to purchase things for my siblings. Not having to pay for my school clothes or anything else, helped her have more spending money for the other three girls. You learn that you must work hard for the things you want in life. If you can't get it at a certain point in your life, you are determined to work extra hard to make sure you will get it in the near future. In the end this makes you a FIGHTER.
Why am I telling you all this... because experiencing a crazy life growing up, I feel I came to be quite successful. I am happily married, living with my husband, puppy and kitty! I was able to purchase my first brand new car with ZERO miles on it back in 2012, I have a decent paying job, I put myself through college... every single penny of the way and I am finding ways to live my life better every single day. I may have went through a rough time to get here, always said "why me, why me" but now, I am saying "why not me" and there is no one stopping me from reaching my goals. I want you to know it's okay to not like these past events in your life, but when you overcome them you become that much stronger. You have to keep fighting like the warrior you are. Eventually, you will get there.
"We cannot allow the past to affect where we are or where we are going. Some of us had been chipped away at, but we can be whole again if we just put the past behind us. Stay in the darkness or find the light." - Craig Holiday
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